Dunari was the rabid feminist-officer of Summit whom I could never understand. She called out people in guild chat on what I thought were very minor offenses. Now that I am in her shoes, I see the truth behind our raiders and the tenuous traces of chauvinism. The subtlety of this misogyny was nevertheless effective.

It had me convinced that everyone hated me due to an unlikable personality. It began as emotional blackmail. It advanced to a passive-aggressive assault by two former members before I realized precisely what was going on.

This is about the men who claim that they love women, while in the same breath not realizing they treat them as lessers.

This is about the guildie who when trying to speak up for herself, she becomes a bitch; her male counterpart is being assertive.

This is about the flirty males who are ignored, and the flirty females who are considered a cancerous mass on the guild.

When you name it for what it is, it’s obvious. In practice, many people don’t notice it and thus don’t object to it. Sometimes, attention is brought to these issues in blogs, where the author is unknowingly spreading prejudice. There are some out there that try to dispel these stereotypes, and now I’ll be adding my own 2¢.

But I love women!

The crime itself isn’t being focused on here. It’s that when confronted with this crime, all people act the same way. For men, it’s a defensive, “I love women!” and for women, “But I am a woman, I can’t be sexist!” All either in complete denial of an offense or passive-aggressive.

The first one is easy to spot and easily crumbles when challenged. They love the ideal of women, the stereotypes and images that they have of them; not you as a human being. They may say they love women, that they want equal rights, but will contradict themselves when it endangers their masculinity and misconceptions. For this reason, calling them on it will get you nowhere. They’ll just find themselves in a loop of excuses and rationalizations.

Women, on the other hand, like to try and manipulate the argument in their favor just because they are female. Enabling this behavior is a terrible thing for her to do, but she’ll cling to traditional values of womanhood, and may resort to either accusing you of being ugly, or will question your sexuality. If she does the first, brush the dirt off your shoulder. If she does the second, keep reading.

What a bitch.

Quite commonly, when I stand up for myself or any female in the guild does, we’re accused of being bitchy at worst, unreasonable at best. When trying to instruct the guild on certain tasks, they either challenge me (never with logic) or resort to calling me demanding. When the male officers make the same comments or instructions, often using the same wording, it’s in general, accepted with less friction.

First things first. You’re not a bitch by being outspoken or by asserting yourself in a reasonable fashion. It won’t matter what you consider reasonable, there will always be someone claiming you’re hormonal. Don’t let them get away with it. As an officer, it’s easier for me to demand respect, as the guild leader is always (within reason) on my side. As an average raider/PvPer, you’ll have the same stigma as anyone else of “lower rank” speaking. Just keep your head high and shoulders back and conduct yourself with maturity.

Slut’s just trying to start shit.

Quite often, a girl/woman in the guild who is flirtatious is damned by the guild. She’s a vixen in their eyes, looking for nothing but easy, unearned raid spots and free loot, or perhaps the thrill of a promotion. It’s even worse if she flirts just for the fun of it, because then she’s seen as a malicious drama-starter with no other goal in mind.

Guys on the other hand, are just being guys. It’s not about flexing sexual prowess or manipulation. For them, it’s fun. The hidden crime here is actually the deeply ingrained notion that women are not supposed to enjoy sex. My piece of advice is to call these people on it immediately. If it’s acknowledged that they jumped to bold conclusions, then they’ll know why assuming makes an ass out of you and me.

~~~

I’m a firm believer in calling it out when the line’s crossed. Lines are rarely drawn in the sand, though. What is or isn’t misogyny lies partly in perception, mostly in ignorance. A method I use is this: if it separates human traits as being either “feminine” or “masculine,” it’s probably misogyny.

Outspoken? Bitch.

Popular? Slut.

Serious? Humorless.

I’m lucky to be in my position. I have the support of great friends, a girl-heavy guild, and only mildly retarded raiders. I don’t have to put up with obvious sexist bullshit you see in many raids such as unfair loot distribution or raid spots. We’re equals, and that’s unquestioned. I still get shit of course, especially frequent accusations of being a bitch. But all in all, I’m okay with the guild.

Then again, I’m holding the whip.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 2:35 pm and is filed under Crash & Burn. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.