I had a huge falling out with a very few members. I dislike making rash decisions when I’m pissed (you’ve no idea how badly for 3 straight days I wanted to gquit), so I decided to take a 1 week break, even though I knew the patch would be hitting this week. The guild has apparently had a gquit from another healer while I was gone, too. This leaves the guild with 2 shamans, a holy priest, and a disc priest. I should probably log on for the sake of the guild.

I don’t think anyone knows (cares?) how stressed I’ve been. The fact is, I’m taking a break in the middle of drama. Am I unreliable? Some former members left because they believe Summit doesn’t reward loyalty or past contributions enough. I can’t bring myself to agree, since I’ve always believed in the present more than the past, but will I finally see it differently if I turn out to be one of those former members?

Am I making any fucking sense?

I guess I’m wondering if Saveena will fully take over my officer duties and if I’ll be recruited out in the course of a week. Will the two years I’ve been here matter in the wake of my absence?

Ungh. The nerd rage is building. My friend wants me to transfer to her server to raid with her. Truth is, I’m not guaranteed a raid spot, and I dislike loot council (don’t post just to argue with me). That, and I don’t have $55 to go horde on another server. Will the current stress be too much though?

Why do I insist on publishing my incoherency?

I recently made one of the biggest mistakes of my gaming career. I had my friend apply to the guild a few weeks ago. She’s actually the best holy paladin I’ve ever known, to be perfectly honest. But there was a serious personality clash, and she came from super awesome hardcore guilds to our little wanna-be casual guild. Things didn’t smooth over well.

First off, she and one of the officers had a terrible cat fight. Me and my friend were under the impression that the officer was treating her unfairly to somehow “convince” others or herself that she wasn’t treating friends special, and she believed that I was letting her off easy because she was my friend.

Then, she had problems with our raid leader. More specifically, he didn’t call anything or anyone out. That’s a post in itself that I’m stalling at the moment, but point being, she hated not having immediate feedback. She also hated how nothing was called, but if any raider dare speak up, another officer (not the raid leader) would snap and tell them they’re not the raid leader…. who never calls things out anyway.

She transfered back to her horde server this weekend. I’m happy she’s happy…. but I kinda miss her here. I worked my ass off to get her her ToC crafted bracers. I saw her do brewfest from my bed on my desktop. I was there when she got her first piece of loot from the guild. Loot she earned. I also miss her as a raider. Like I said, she was the best holy paladin we’d ever seen. Now we have to recruit to fill her spot, and one of our holy priests may be going disc to cover until then.

Something good came from it though. The current officers are getting a second comb-through because of this mess. We as a guild lost both an excellent player with a great attitude, but an intelligent human being who brought new insights to our raids.

C’est la vie.

An ad hominem argument, also known as argumentum ad hominem (Latin: “argument to the person” or “argument against the person”) is an argument which links the validity of a premise to a characteristic or belief of a person advocating the premise.

-Wikipedia entry

Summit is having trouble with getting its raiders to listen to officers. To combat this, it has been suggested that we revert back to our old role leads, promoting more officers. Part of the reason we haven’t just divided the responsibilities of our current officers is that there has been objections to listening to an officer not of the offender’s class or role.

The officers do their own homework before talking to you. We review combat parses, speak with other members of your class, and break down the algebra of your class. We run latency checks during the raids, make sure everyone’s buffs are up, and can see your gearscore and how you spend your ilvl points.

And yet, we’re met with defiance. We cannot possibly understand their class/spec because we do not play said class or spec. The logic of our argument, or cold hard facts are completely ignored. This argument does have merit, however. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we really are wrong (see argumentum ad hominem tu quoque). It’s fine; we’ve all been wrong before. That’s not the issue. The issue is that we’re coming to you, wondering why you are behind the healers in DPS.*

Back to the origin of this article, it has been suggested that we promote new members to join our ranks and help out those in their role perform to their best. The theory is that members will listen to those of the same class, spec, or at least role. I believe that in practice, this will fall short of expectations. The raiders currently ignoring our advice are either absolutely refusing to improve themselves (meaning they’ll find any scapegoat to not listen) or they’re flocking to a member of the same class and spec.

I believe the solution here is for our current officers to grow spines. If there are difficult people who won’t even respond to current officers who have been here before they joined, what are the odds they’ll respond favorably to a member they’ve identified with as a raider telling them what to do?

Any comments/advice/argument will be greatly appreciated.

*Yes, this happened.

Dunari was the rabid feminist-officer of Summit whom I could never understand. She called out people in guild chat on what I thought were very minor offenses. Now that I am in her shoes, I see the truth behind our raiders and the tenuous traces of chauvinism. The subtlety of this misogyny was nevertheless effective.

It had me convinced that everyone hated me due to an unlikable personality. It began as emotional blackmail. It advanced to a passive-aggressive assault by two former members before I realized precisely what was going on.

This is about the men who claim that they love women, while in the same breath not realizing they treat them as lessers.

This is about the guildie who when trying to speak up for herself, she becomes a bitch; her male counterpart is being assertive.

This is about the flirty males who are ignored, and the flirty females who are considered a cancerous mass on the guild.

When you name it for what it is, it’s obvious. In practice, many people don’t notice it and thus don’t object to it. Sometimes, attention is brought to these issues in blogs, where the author is unknowingly spreading prejudice. There are some out there that try to dispel these stereotypes, and now I’ll be adding my own 2¢.

But I love women!

The crime itself isn’t being focused on here. It’s that when confronted with this crime, all people act the same way. For men, it’s a defensive, “I love women!” and for women, “But I am a woman, I can’t be sexist!” All either in complete denial of an offense or passive-aggressive.

The first one is easy to spot and easily crumbles when challenged. They love the ideal of women, the stereotypes and images that they have of them; not you as a human being. They may say they love women, that they want equal rights, but will contradict themselves when it endangers their masculinity and misconceptions. For this reason, calling them on it will get you nowhere. They’ll just find themselves in a loop of excuses and rationalizations.

Women, on the other hand, like to try and manipulate the argument in their favor just because they are female. Enabling this behavior is a terrible thing for her to do, but she’ll cling to traditional values of womanhood, and may resort to either accusing you of being ugly, or will question your sexuality. If she does the first, brush the dirt off your shoulder. If she does the second, keep reading.

What a bitch.

Quite commonly, when I stand up for myself or any female in the guild does, we’re accused of being bitchy at worst, unreasonable at best. When trying to instruct the guild on certain tasks, they either challenge me (never with logic) or resort to calling me demanding. When the male officers make the same comments or instructions, often using the same wording, it’s in general, accepted with less friction.

First things first. You’re not a bitch by being outspoken or by asserting yourself in a reasonable fashion. It won’t matter what you consider reasonable, there will always be someone claiming you’re hormonal. Don’t let them get away with it. As an officer, it’s easier for me to demand respect, as the guild leader is always (within reason) on my side. As an average raider/PvPer, you’ll have the same stigma as anyone else of “lower rank” speaking. Just keep your head high and shoulders back and conduct yourself with maturity.

Slut’s just trying to start shit.

Quite often, a girl/woman in the guild who is flirtatious is damned by the guild. She’s a vixen in their eyes, looking for nothing but easy, unearned raid spots and free loot, or perhaps the thrill of a promotion. It’s even worse if she flirts just for the fun of it, because then she’s seen as a malicious drama-starter with no other goal in mind.

Guys on the other hand, are just being guys. It’s not about flexing sexual prowess or manipulation. For them, it’s fun. The hidden crime here is actually the deeply ingrained notion that women are not supposed to enjoy sex. My piece of advice is to call these people on it immediately. If it’s acknowledged that they jumped to bold conclusions, then they’ll know why assuming makes an ass out of you and me.

~~~

I’m a firm believer in calling it out when the line’s crossed. Lines are rarely drawn in the sand, though. What is or isn’t misogyny lies partly in perception, mostly in ignorance. A method I use is this: if it separates human traits as being either “feminine” or “masculine,” it’s probably misogyny.

Outspoken? Bitch.

Popular? Slut.

Serious? Humorless.

I’m lucky to be in my position. I have the support of great friends, a girl-heavy guild, and only mildly retarded raiders. I don’t have to put up with obvious sexist bullshit you see in many raids such as unfair loot distribution or raid spots. We’re equals, and that’s unquestioned. I still get shit of course, especially frequent accusations of being a bitch. But all in all, I’m okay with the guild.

Then again, I’m holding the whip.