I was trolling the single’s page of truuconfessions.com and I didn’t like what I found. There was a guy who was just awful. Telling women they were worthless unless they were thin (”The single most important thing a woman can do in her life is to STAY THIN AT ALL COSTS“), telling women they needed therapy or that they were messed up and crazy, and bashing marriage and relationships left and right.

Here’s a news flash for you: of course he is going to cheat on you! Why wouln’t he? Men were never designed to be monogomus. That is just a silly idea that has no basis in reality. It’s just part of human nature. It’s not a question of if he will cheat on you, it a question of when. Cheating is fun and exciting for men. Why wouldn’t they do it?

…That is just a lie your church told you and you were dumb enough to belive. Of course he wants to do your friend, why wouldn’t he? Perfectly normal.

…Maybe you should have been smart enough to NOT GET MARRIED IN THE FIST PLACE! You figured that one out too late obviously.

…Those who take pride in being the “other person” in someone’s life play a very important role in our society: they make use realize that humans were never intended to be monogomous.

…Marriage is a lie, a con, a fraud and a scam. The married ones are the ones that will soon find out that they are in a prison of misery.

I…. am so fucking emo right now.

/wrist

I’d imagine the majority of raiders believe that they can lead a guild better than their current officership can. Many members I’ve seen in my previous guilds or in my friends’ guilds had huge drama surrounding the officers. Sometimes, they were incompetent. Sometimes, they formed cliques, or what I call “Officer Parties.”

First off, I’m great friends with Loveth, our GM.

I don’t even remember what the hell I was QQing about, but I know it was a few weeks before my boyfriend came back to visit me in January. I tend to cheer up when talking to my guild leader.

Sometimes, our friendship gets in the way of guild leadership. Case and point: I am hesitent to talk about personal problems with other guild members for fear he’ll automatically side with me or that I’ll look like a tattle-tale. I normally ask another officer about social problems and rules, even if I’m downright terrified of said officer.

Raug used to scare me badly. Then this happened:

I once again, have no idea what the hell I was QQing about. But he joked around and went with it. I was an “officer” for a good 5 minutes. Maybe less. All we really did was gossip like little school girls, and I was a lot more at ease with talking to him generally.

Others have also given me warm fuzzies that I forgot to screenshot.

Point being? I love and appreciate my officers. I kiss their asses, and am accused of brown-nosing. Which I am. But I truly am so thankful to be in this guild. Which, btw, has awesome raiders too. I wanna give them cuddles sometimes.

Next blog that is less rambling: Officer Material.

Sorry I ramble like a train wreck.

Anyone else having trouble getting gravatar to work or log onto the server? I’ve been trying to get my site’s e-mail working with gravatar for a good month now, trying every few days, but each time I enter the info, the page just refreshes into an endless cycle.

Halp.

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

What he had meant to say to me was, “So you believe that raid progression is more important than how I am being treated after having just treated 2 officers and 3 raiders as lesser beings than me?”

I tried to remain neutral, since he was someone I was beginning to consider a friend. A friend who made a very stupid mistake, but a friend nontheless. After what he had said to me in whispers after having been kicked, I decided to put him on ignore and reconsider our friendship.

The rules in question that had been broken were as follows:

Be on time and prepared for raids, and only take AFKs during scheduled breaks. “On time” means being online, ungrouped and at your computer at 5:45. Making 24 other people wait for you while you make a sandwich before we pull a boss is not acceptable.

 If you are a raider or a casual who wants to be promoted to raider, you must read the forums at least once a day. Important guild and raid information is often relayed through the forums. Also, AFKs and needed loot are posted on the forums.

Refrain from using hate speech in game chat or in vent. We swear a lot and gchat is often rather raunchy, but bigotry will not be tolerated whether in guild chat, vent or in public chat channels.

If you have a problem with a person, please take it up with them in private instead of causing a scene in guild chat. If you feel uncomfortable talking to them one on one then talk to an officer about it.

We expect you to conduct yourself with maturity. Tantrums over loot, ranks, DKP, etc aren’t tolerated, and can get you demoted or gkicked very quickly. If you have an issue with something, take it up with an officer (but NOT during raid times).

In short, he was late to a raid by 10 minutes, but had posted an AFK notice, as the rules state. No where in the rules does it state that you are going to have your spot saved if you post you’re going to be late. It simply prevents you from being deducted DKP. It all went downhill from there, and his best friend left just before he was kicked. It was an ugly experience, and the people all involved (read: who were harrassed or dragged into the conflict in whispers during Mimiron attempts) know what happened, so I don’t want to spread it around. Especially since he can’t defend himself in this post.

I relayed the information to my Mae-Mae, who surprised me with her thoughts. She believed that the rules don’t reward loyalty as they should (keep in mind, the players who left were in the guild for a very long time). Then, for the first time, I saw the point for what it was; valid.

I’m beginning to just ramble, so I’ll stop here. Please, share your thoughts and opinions.

I’m on the verge of either leaving my guild or leaving WoW.

Since the move to Silvermoon, I had a fear we over-recruited. The raid and guild leader didn’t, as we still had exactly 25 people signing on. Since 3.1, I was right.

I’m unsure of what to do. I already paid for  2 character transfers, and I’ve been with them for a year. I actually want to quit at this point. In these last few weeks, I’ve felt like people just don’t like me. Not because of the raid spot dillema, but because of the little comments dropped subtlety here and there. My boyfriend says we’re like family, but each day I’m feeling more like the retarded cousin not invited to Movie Night and spoken about behind my back.

Leaving the game would mean the end of my relationship. I can’t do that.

I’m gonna go be emo somewhere else.

Quick update first:

Guild transferred from Blackwater Raiders to Silvermoon. That, and I decided to make this my WoW blog. Oops.

Most people look at Eristhan’s name and think “Eris, as in the goddess of chaos?’ If my boyfriend is on, he’ll crack a joke, implying the name suits me well. How much sense does that make?

I rolled Eristhan as Amberlyn on Farstriders (my name is Amberly, and I wasnt feeling more creative beyond adding a consonant). A year later, Amberlyn was taken on Blackwater Raiders, so I had to come up with a new name, and Eristhan came from it. Throughout all this time, Eris was a holy priest. She couldn’t be a goddess of discord.

Here’s the big secret: I ripped her name.

Aeris from the video game Final Fantasy 7 was my favorite character, as I’ve always adored healers in any game, and she was the perfect little white mage in pink. Later, in the movie released about a decade later, you learn her name was a translation error and it was supposed to be Aerith.

All I did was drop the “A” from the beginning and add an”AN” to the end of it.

As for my mage, Ivilyse? People think I ripped her name from a country that sounds the same but is spelled different in Final Fantasy 11. Which would be hilarious having ripped a name already, but that isn’t true. Ivilyse? She’s a tribute to one of my greatest friends, Elyse.

I’m rambling.

Blizzard has a new add-on policy.

I like my add-ons. It’s a part of the game for me, since it just makes me UI feel more customized. I like customizing my room, clothes, desktop, why not my UI?

I don’t know which add-ons will stop being developed with the changes. I use Quartz, Grid, Bartender4, OPie, kgPanels, Prat, Pitbull, DBM, oRA2, Satrina Buff Frames, SexyMap, and SCT.

I just like it like that.

Do I need it? Nope. I’ll hate it if any of the mods I use to actually raid with are thrown out the window, but I can do it. Hell, I’ve done for all of t4 and up to Loot Reaver in t5. I even did it for Malygos on the old computer.

Point is? I’d hate it. I hate the default UI, always have. It was a matter of “… What’s this piece of crap?” as soon as I made my first level 1 nublet.

In other news.

I need to go outside. Brb.

Here’s a question to all the WoW raiders; have you ever switched mains? If yes, why did you? Was your guild supportive, or did you have to move on? How did it change your overall experience with the game?

I’m not changing my main for raiding. Rather, I’m changing her spec. But all in all, it feels like an entirely different class for me. I’ve raided as holy since hitting Karazhan for the first time several years ago. I didn’t spec into CoH until we were progressing on Vashj and Kael’thas, whereas before I was a IDS priest. I went through several different guilds by then, and I’ve stuck with Summit of Blackwater Raiders. It’s the perfect mix of casual and enforced rules that I need. And the guild leader is very supportive of me. And probably wants to murder me, I’ve switched main specs so many times since Wrath hit. Holy -> Discipline -> Holy -> Shadow.

I am currently shadow, not hit capped, often forget consumables, and still pull a single target self-buffed 2150 dps. Which sucks, and I’m often last on the meters. And yet, I still feel like I’m on top of the world with a pathetic 7k crit.

I am owning that target dummy.

And for as terribly as I suck, I am having fun with the game again. I was burned out on staring at Grid, I hated the content, I hated “backwards scaling,” and I hated waiting for something to do. As shadow, I instead stare at cooldowns and timers, which isn’t too different from Grid. “Fuck, I forgot to reapply VT before MB” is what happens when I don’t watch it. I still hate the content, because Naxx feels horridly outdated and Sarth feels like Onyxia with a twist. Malygos is the only encounter I enjoy when my drake doesn’t bug. I actually scale forward with gear. I do better, not worse. The enemy dies faster, and I don’t have to wait extra long now to do my job.

Because of healers’ backward scaling, you need less healing as you progress. The tanks are able to take more damage, and the healer’s heals are strong enough to keep the raid alive and well without trying anymore. So you just stand there, and to help alleviate the pain, you take out healers and bring in DPS. On some nights, we have 4 healers and have no trouble. On other nights, if people ditch and don’t log on, we’ll have 6 healers without DPS gear. That’s 7 when you consider I used to be one. Complete overkill.

And yet, it was by healing I earned my Hand of A’dal title.

During Vashj, I kept up two groups during phase 2 and managed to help the strider kiter, and kept enough mana to help DPS down the adds and get through phase 3. I even took over another healer’s job because she was terrible.

During Kael’thas, I had the pleasure of healing the warlock tank alone in phase 1, helping my friends keep up on phase 2, fear ward for phase 3, effectively tank heal for phase 4, and then stay the fuck alive during phase 5.

Now, I am unable to keep up one tank during Patchwerk. I am unable to heal through Four Horsemen. I cannot go through Sartharion without lagging and wiping my raid. It was embarrassing, and that was the straw that broke my back.

Sure, I’ve been having lag issues since early January when Comcast fucked with our subscription. My new desktop cannot adequately receive signal from our wireless modem, and no one is hooking it up via cable. My new desktop, bless it’s heart, has less RAM than my laptop I’ve been using this last year. So it cannot handle AoE of any kind, or I DC. We don’t have the money for more RAM.

But the excuses don’t matter, I was fucking humiliated during 4hm. One of the healers noticed I couldn’t keep up the group on Rivendare’s side and switched positions with me so I was in the back. Like a jealous child, I hoped that she would fail too to save my own face. But she did just fine.

What is fucking wrong with me?

I’ve been so confused lately. I have no idea what I want to do with my $15 a month. At first I was about to quit. I’ve wanted to quit for some time now, but I hadn’t because I enjoyed talking to my boyfriend, who lives on the other side of the country. When I talked to Loveth, my guild leader, I actually started to cry.

I fucking love these people.

So I took a break from the game. I occasionally pop in when I’m bored or want to just pew-pew a few things. And it’s restored some of my interest in the game, but it honestly doesn’t feel like me. I also have a lot of guilt on my shoulders at the moment. I hate taking gear I won’t use in the raid enviroment unless I know NO ONE ELSE has even bothered to bid on the item. I already have a near-full disc set, a full holy set, and a lolshadow set. (lolshadow = mostly healing gear that maximizes regen instead of DPS and is below the hit cap.) And no one, no matter how many times I reiterate it, knows how fucking awful I feel about that.

Also, perhaps to my own fault, I hate dragging people around by the chain. I’ve probably pushed Loveth further into his coffee addiction and one step closer to going insane and killing us all with lazers. From his caffienated eyes. I also hate jerking my boyfriend around, who I’ve been mooching gems off of. So I owe his ass some good money. If I had paid for the gems instead of getting them for free like how we always have done it, I wouldn’t feel so bad.

Consciences are stupid.

I think this all relates back to a real-life identity crisis I’ve been having. Odd that it too would affect my gaming habits.

Part of the game for me is being in the guild Summit. We’re casual, we’re not the best, friends’ guilds on other servers rip on us for not having done Sarth 3d, and you know what? I’m damn proud of that.

Part of the game for me is addons. I love personalizing my own experience by reconfiguring my UI.

Part of the game for me is blogging. I’m a writer, not a gamer at heart. Mixing two loves just seemed to me to be the obvious thing to do.

But I guess the question I have to ask myself is:

Is healing a part of the game for me?

… and will Loveth once again kill me and bash my head in a window if I change my mind a fourth time?

Pleasedon’tkillmeLoveth.

BELOW IS THE WORK OF CARO CLARKE. THE ORIGINAL LINK IS HERE, AND WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN 1999 AND IS PROTECTED BY LAW. I AM NOT CLAIMING THIS AS MY OWN, NOR AM I BEING PAID OR SPONSORED FOR THIS INFORMATION.

I am simply copying and pasting back to here, for people unwilling to click the link, which let’s face it, it happens. I got a good laugh out of it, because I know it’s completely true. For more writing tips from Caro Clarke at his website.

THE CLARKE PATENTED “AM I REALLY A WRITER?” TEST
(Asking your writing group, tutor, or best friend to help you fill out this test is cheating. So is asking a writer to do it for you, such as Margaret Atwood.)

A. I think I’m a writer because:
   1. I enjoy writing
   2. I enjoy reading
   3. I enjoy typing
   4. I enjoy knowing that I am a creative being

B. I tend to get my ideas from:
   1. the world around me
   2. the fantasies within me
   3. the TV in front of me
   4. the concept of “idea” is so, you know, anal retentive

C. I try to write:
   1. one sustained period a day
   2. one sustained period whenever inspiration strikes me
   3. you mean I actually have to write something all the time?
   4. only when it won’t violate my imaginative flow

D. I believe that adjectives and adverbs:
   1. should be used sparingly
   2. should be used vigorously, fulsomely, and without stint
   3. are what, exactly?
   4. are pathetic attempts to limit my creative energy

E. I structure my novel-in-progress by:
   1. writing to a prepared plot outline
   2. writing according to how the story seems to be telling itself
   3. writing whatever comes into my head from moment to moment
   4. how mundane actually to have a “novel-in-progress”; I have a concept

F. I achieve the self-discipline to write by:
   1. forcing myself to work whether I’m in the mood or not
   2. letting guilt finally force me to do something, anything
   3. jotting down half a page now and again and rewarding myself with
       ice cream
   4. self-discipline is the enemy of creativity

G. I deal with difficult, blocked or “dry” periods by:
   1. working on something else to retain good writing habits
   2. panicking and bingeing
   3. wondering if I shouldn’t take up decoy carving instead
   4. only real writers are really blocked

H. I strive to make my work:
   1. as good as it can be by rewriting and polishing
   2. as good as that first true inspiration will allow it to be
   3. as unembarrassing as I can before going to my writing group;
      they’re really mean
   4. as unintrusive in my creative life as possible

I. I approach the task of finding an agent or publisher by:
   1. researching the market thoroughly and learning how to make a
      professional submission
   2. sending my manuscript and a very nice letter to my writing tutor’s
      publisher
   3. sending my manuscript to the publishers of the latest best-seller
   4. they’ll be knocking on my door begging me for my manuscript

J. I accept rejection slips:
   1. with a pang, then move to the next submission
   2. with a little sigh: I secretly knew it was no good
   3. with a howl of unbelieving rage: ignorant jackasses, don’t they know
      true talent when…
   4. I’m too sensitive to put myself through such a negative experience

K. I see myself in the future:
   1. finding satisfaction in writing novels my readers enjoy
   2. becoming a rich and famous best-seller and appearing on TV
   3. winning the Pulitzer, the Booker, and the Nobel Prize for Literature
   4. being the most famous person on the planet. Hey, in the universe.

L. I want to write because:
   1. I have characters and stories bursting to come to life
   2. I like the idea of having a book published
   3. I like the idea of being a writer
   4. I didn’t say I wanted to write, just that I know I’m a writer, and
      this is a dumb test, anyway

How to score this test:
Count up the numbers of the answers you have selected. If you have a total of:
   12-16: You seem to have what it takes. I’ll see you in print one day.
   17-25: Time to get serious. Take one giant step into a professional attitude.
   26-35: What a dweeb. Quit dreaming and get a life.
   36-48: Jerk extraordinaire! Out of my sight, thou posturing ninny!

I scored a 13, which I’m proud of. Five years ago, I would have scored a 22. I’ve wanted to be a writer since the first or second grade. I loved books so much, and that’s when I started reading ahead in history books because I found the lives of those people to be so fascinating. It also helped that I felt so at home in a library. After a mental breakdown, I threw everything away and insisted it was never gonna put bread on the table.

I’m now in English Writing at my college, College Composition. I can’t deny how I feel about it, how I feel so happy bringing a character to life. I think part of it is my love for people, too.

Though I don’t love you. I hate you, you’re stupid.

And then the Lord said, “Let there be another egotistical writer on the Internet who believes his or her opinion of the world must be shared.” And all was good.

Thanks to my beautiful Mae-Mae, I got this set up as far as I did - but I’m still not entirely happy with the state the site’s in. It reeks of new and underdeveloped - I hope to one day replace this theme with code of my own, and have some good pictures going, perhaps something that has any meaning whatsoever.

For tonight… I am tired.